After a months of grieving, self-pity, anxious, and asking God why i messed up? I totally moved on. Instead of understanding things with my own thoughts why i would not let God to do his will upon me?
I commit myself to the Lord, i attended Christian services even though im a Catholic, and read some Christian's book and of course the Holy Bible and that Help me a lot in moving on. Thought me of everything that i should learn and the things i wanna know. In that situation i learned that everything's happen for a reason, and the reason why this happen to me is the challenge for me to found out. I know theres a big plan that God created for me, and working in Other country is not part of His will. I accepted that peacefully, even though all through this years, i made myself a worthy of success, and my thinking of working overseas will be my success im wrong! God uses situation that i might hurt but in the end of the day theres a reason why!
Now, i begin to start all over! My thinking of working overseas was reformatted in my thoughts and heart. And the contentment of being loved by my family is there! I am contented to work here with my parents and siblings. Half of my siblings are on abroad, i should be here to take care of my parents. I know i cannot gain the salary that i should get when i work abroad, but what is important is that iam contented and at peace! And i am willing and able to follow God's will for me. My success is to accept Christ as my savior, not to be fame or to be rich. But to have a happy, loving and peaceful family in spite of what our we going through. Having true people and true friends surrounds me, thats my new appreciation of success.
And i started to accept the fact that it is hard for me to creat my own family because of my Bday Gift, but in fullness of hope im still praying, to have a wife and a children. But if thats never be happen, i accepted it full heatedly.
Anyway im living my life for Christ not for my self. But the main point of it all is that im at peace and contented. Sound cliche but thats the truth.
Now iam starting to find a new job that can practice my profession but will not compromised my health. And ill have to have the quality of life that i should have. With the support of everybody, I CAN. For with God all things is possible!
"All those who want to be my disciples must come and follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And if they follow me, the Father will honor them."